


Partners in Crime

by Nanna_Jemima



Series: The Witcher Modern AU - prompt fics [3]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanna_Jemima/pseuds/Nanna_Jemima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt for Eskel and the Cat: What if they had too much to drink? As with so many other people, boozing it up means having bad ideas and doing inadvisable things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Partners in Crime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lost_in_thoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_in_thoughts/gifts).



The instant the pair walked through the door he smelled trouble. The taller of them was on familiar terms with the barkeep, judging from how they greeted each other, the shorter one – maybe just a boy – had a hunting rifle slung over his shoulder and stood quietly behind his companion, while he exchanged a few remarks with the barkeep. Probably a dealer and his bodyguard.

They kept it down, and through the murmur of the taproom Eskel couldn’t make out what they were saying. He did see the barkeep pointing towards him, though. So much for a night off. He’d best see to it, he didn’t get any more drunk than he was. If some cocky kid with a hunting rifle and a chip on his shoulder wanted to prove himself against a witcher, trouble would find him whether or not he’d be drunk at the time.

Eskel made absolutely no moves. He didn’t look in the direction of the booth the shady pair had taken, just kept his ears trained on any worrying sounds that might issue from that end of the room.

“Fine! Have it your way, then! But do not let me down! I swear, if you so much as-”

The man’s voice had cleared the background noise until he was interrupted. Eskel chanced a look.

In the far corner the man stood bent over the table, partially facing the room. Apparently he had gotten up to make his threats, whereas the kid clearly had the balls to sit with his back to the room. The kid, who currently had a gloved hand firmly attached to the lapels of the taller man’s coat, pulling him down so their faces were inches from each other. Eskel couldn’t see the man’s face, obscured as it was behind the kid’s head from this angle, but from the nervous twitching his hands were making, he surmised there’d be fear in his eyes.

The man nodded repeatedly. The kid nodded once and then let go of his bigger companion, who hurriedly left the establishment, without looking around.

Eskel turned his attention back to his dram but heard it when the barkeep served an entire bottle of booze for the slight man in the corner. That was a relief. No one who intended to drink that much would be looking for a fight - not one a witcher couldn’t handle, anyway. Several more times he noted the barkeep bringing booze to the slight man. Yeah. Definitely no threat from him. He’d be asleep in that corner soon enough.

He had managed to put the little display out of mind, when the hunting rifle was placed against his table. The kid stood there, his face wrapped up in a grey scarf and a soft, dark cap. All Eskel could see was a deep frown and angrily squinting eyes glaring at him. Fuck it, it was gonna be one of those nights. Of course it was.

And then everything happened all at once. The moment Eskel sniffed lightly to guage how drunk the kid was, he realised he knew the scent, the lad slipped into the seat next to him in the booth, and placed a hand far too high up on his thigh to be in any way decent.

“Really, wolf? You just gonna glare at that dram all night, or are you actually gonna drink it?” The voice was both slurred and muffled, but it was unmistakably her.

“Cat! It’s you! Fuck me, I thought you were an idiot looking for trouble.”

Mirth was evident in the now opened yellow eyes above the grey cloth. “Yes, it’s me. I may just, and that seems to describe me fairly well, actually. How’ve you been, wolf?”

“Good, good. Just finished the best-paying job I’ve taken in a couple o' years, hence drinking in a place that isn’t a dump.”

“Sweet deal?”

“Nah, I did have to work for it. Curse-breaking. The slow and tedious, brain-breaking kind, but with an employer who paid extra for discretion. Nice lady. The only human amongst that throng of high-born assholes.”

“Oh wow. I’d give an arm and a leg for slow and tedious right about now.”

Eskel narrowed his eyes at the woman next to him. “Whose arm and leg?”

“Dammit, you know me too well.”

They shared a laugh, and he used the opportunity to catch that whiff he’d intended before. She was very, very drunk. Judging by her level of intoxication, she might even have been drunk before she entered the place. And her hand was still resting on his thigh.

He was curious. Around her he couldn't help it. “So what are you doing in these parts?”

“Working for people who demand discretion, refuse to pay for it and act anything but discrete themselves when negotiating the contract. Fuckin’ morons.”

“Still only taking jobs on the shady side?”

“I have to. That bounty on my head probably won’t be gone for some years yet; maybe decades. People know witchers live for a long time. Can’t just waltz up to the first mayor who’s posted a notice on the Carraigh Bulletin. Have to be careful.“

“And how’re you doing?”

“Well, hours are shit, but the pay compensates by being even worse, so it all evens out in the crapper.”

“Not what I meant. How are **you** doing?”

“Excuse me, sir.” The barkeep showed up by their table and their conversation halted. “We don’t want no trouble, but we don’t allow masks in ‘ere.” He gestured with a hand before his mouth.

“I understand,” the cat said politely in a low raspy tone Eskel hadn’t heard before. Clever, it was low enough for people to maintain their assumption about maleness. She struggled to keep the drunken slur to a minimum, though. “However, it’s actually more for your sake than mine. I wouldn’t want your customers to lose their appetite.” She pulled her scarf slightly down at the side, so the barkeep could see her disfigured ear, at which the man’s eyes widened in shock. “I think everyone here would prefer it, if I didn’t lose the scarf.”

The man was torn between policing the house rules and the wish to not see another inch of skin.

Eskel had an idea. “Let’s get outta here. You. Why don’t you sell us a handful of your bottles. That way you still get our business, and you get us out of your hair immediately. No one loses their appetite nor thirst. And that dram really is very good. Let there be at least one bottle of that.”

“Yes, that’s a good... Yes. I’ll find the bottles immediately, sir. Thank you for understanding.”

They both nodded and when the man bustled off to prepare their bottled fun they got up and gathered their things.

“Really, cat, how **are** you doing?”

“Honestly?” Her voice sounded exasperated. “What I said about work pretty much does sum all of it up. So if the ‘fuck me’ was said in earnest, I’ll take it.”

“I’ve already committed to plying you with booze. How d’you think I meant it?” She was welcome to take that as an affirmative to her inquiry. It kinda was.

“Hmmm lessee, the last many times we’ve met, excessive intake of booze has consistently led to fucking in places we shouldn’t. Have anything specific in mind?”

“Yup. Wait and see.” It was a terrible idea, but he was far too drunk to care, and now that the appropriate set of skills had landed in lap - or nearly, anyway - he would put it to use.

* * *

“Wolf, explain to me again. Why are we breaking into the duke’s manor house?” The cat had squeezed through a window and had now opened the kitchen door for him. How in the blazes she had handled the alarm systems he didn’t know, but she could, and she had, and that was good enough for him.

“Because his wife thinks he’s here alone.”

“But he isn’t here at all.”

“No, he’s having an affair. And tomorrow his wife, the esteemed Duchess, will arrive in the evening, and he will make sure to arrive before she does. She will never know he’s not been here alone, unless we let her know.”

“So why do we need to break in to tell her?” They moved through the kitchen and found the staircase at the back of the house. The only two live-in servants were asleep. All others had long since gone home for the night.

“Because we have no proof to present her with.”

“Oh. Oh! Ohhhhhhh, now I see. Naughty, naughty, I like the way you think.”

“Thought you might.” He moved up behind her, as she picked the lock to the top floor. Standing close to her and carressing her burn scars made her bite her lower lip to contain the moan threatening to escape.

She got the door open and walked through, breathing heavily. “So the Duchess arrives, goes to bed, finds it well and truly fucked in, and realises her hubby has been running around on her, and kicks him to the curb. Wait, she’s the real title-holder?”

“Yep. He’s got money of his own but the title is hers.” He headed straight for where he knew the master bedroom to be.

“And why are we doing her this favour? Has she been running around on him? Have you been piping her?” The cat winked at him and sent him a sly grin. “You have, haven’t you?”

He grinned back. “The thought did occur to me, but I make a point of not sleeping with my employer. Maybe, when she’s single...”

“She’s the one you did the curse-breaking for?”

“She is. And what’s more. The discretion extended to everyone including her dear old husband. So I figure she’ll want to kick him out and settle the divorce before anyone needs to know that her cursed and worthless manse is actually no longer cursed and not at all worthless.”

She circled the room, taking in the sights, touching nothing. “Oh, you sly son of a bitch. Too bad you’re a witcher, you’d’ve made a fine con artist. But why help her at all?”

He threw the covers off the bed. “Because she is the only one in this godsforsaken place who treated me like a human being. And she paid me well.”

“So you’re throwing in a bonus and serving justice. How noble. How selfless.”

He rounded on her, grabbed a hold of her and threw the both of them on the bed. “Absolutely. No self-interest here. It’s not like I actually enjoy this.“

* * *

A few hours later, they left a bed with the covers pulled up neatly, but smelling heavily of sex underneath. Not even a regular human would miss it, when getting into that bed, but at a mere glance at the room, none would be the wiser. And on top of it all, the cat had surprised him by breaking into the Duke’s study and gotten lucky by finding a letter from a mistress. A small forged love-note with that mistress’ hand-writing and signature left under the pillow for the Duchess to find.

They spent the remainder of the night in his car. Laughing, drinking and fucking some more.

* * *

“Ugghhh, wolf, remind me to never ever go on a date with you again.” The cat sat up, shielded her eyes and rubbed the back of her head.

“You weren’t complaining last night.” Eskel pulled her back down.

“‘Course not. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“Come on. Sex in a car isn’t that crazy.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. How the fuck did you talk me into breaking into the Duke’s manor? How?”

“Booze.” It was all the explanation he had.

“Mmmf,” she huffed and rolled over, so he spooned her, and she hid her face against his arm.

Little by little the later events returned to him as well. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. “How did **you** talk **me** into **that**?”

“Into what?” Came the muffled reply.

“You actually made me promise! What the fuck?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. I’d nearly forgotten. You shouldn’t have reminded me. Could’ve gotten out of it.”

“You made me promise... how...?”

“You seemed happy enough with the idea. I don’t see the problem.”

“I can’t believe it. I promised to seduce the Duchess once she kicks the Duke out.”

 

 


End file.
